First of all, I’m entirely aware that you are indeed a person. A real life person who does not match my inanimate object theme I have going on here, however the chances of me ever meeting you, touching your or anything of the sort is slim to none, so I’m considering you an inanimate object for the purposes of my blog. First I would like to let you know that you are beautiful. You make me want to become the female equivelent of a chauvanistic pig and cat call you, make lude comments about your figure, and grab your ass as you walk out the door. The only issue I have is your name. Max is very sexy, I’m in aggreeance with your mother’s decision to name you as such. Irons though…Why? I mean it’s your last name and all, but it makes you sound like some kind of terrible porn star super hero hybrid gone wrong. Max Irons. Damn you’re fine. I’d hit it.
Lustfully Yours,
Me
