As much as I absolutely put off vacuuming as much as possible, I love the way you move. Your ability to curve around corners with ease and grace takes my breath away. You make me want to pop a vallium and put on some pumps and a dress then time travel back to the 50s and gloat to all my other vallium addled neighbors about how awesome my vacuum is compared to their outdated pieces of shit. The amount of dog hair and cat hair and human hair and dust and other things I don’t want to know get stuck in my carpets that you pick up simply astounds and amazes me. The room even smells cleaner after I’ve been through it with you. Not to mention you run pretty quietly and it makes for a happy little chore do-er. You’re amazing Dyson Vacuum. Even if you are an ugly dusty purple color. Maybe I’ll paint flames on you one day.
Forever yours,
Me
