I am not entirely sorry that we’re not close buds. You kinda suck. Your sand parts get all up in my parts and then the water is cold and only aids in getting more sand EVERYWHERE. Then there’s a shit load of people always, which super sucks, and it’s hot, i’m constantly reapplying sunscreen when I’m at you. Seriously The Beach you kinda just blow on all counts. Then not to mention the terrible evil monstrosities that live in you, like hermit crabs, and sharks, and jellyfish. YOU’RE JUST A DANGEROUS PLACE, FUCK YOU. Man, you’re a terrible excuse for a natural phenomenon. Try being more awesome like the mountains.
Yours always,
Me
